Funniest New Year Messages
I worked long and hard all year, and I can now officially say that I've managed to waste 365 days successfully. Happy New Year!
This New Year, I think it's time we commit to running around together more. Literally. We both need to shed a few pounds. Happy New Year!
New Year's: the societal illusion of a clean slate that we're expected to kick off by getting absolutely wasted. Happy New Year!
No need for resolutions to get in shape this year. Round is a shape, and you're perfectly it. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I promise you, this year will be exactly the same as the last, you'll just be a little older. Cheers!
I wait until I'm good and drunk to voice my resolutions, that way I have plausible deniability in case someone tries to hold me accountable. Happy New Year!
Three cheers to the New Year, our chance to finally get it right this time. Third time's the charm! Happy New Year!
I thought long and hard about quitting all those bad habits this year, but I'm not a quitter! Happy New Year!
New Year's is the perfect opportunity to forget your fears with the help of a few beers. Wishing you a wonderful New Year -- Cheers!
I can't believe it has been an entire year since I resolved to become a better person and then did nothing about it. Happy New Year!
This new year is just like the fireworks that welcome it: full of amazing potential, as long as you don't play with fire. Wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year!
I want to start this year with a clean slate, no grudges or hard feelings. So here's your chance to apologize to me. Happy New Year!
This year I resolve to be a more glass-half-full type… beer, whiskey, rum, whatever. Just always half full. Happy New Year!
Wishing you a new year filled with new challenges, new problems, and more pain and tears. I mean, I just want you to grow and become a stronger person. Happy New Year!
Here's to another awesome year of making new memories, new secrets we'll take to the grave, and New Year's resolutions that we'll never keep. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year wishes from someone so amazing, they've never even thought of a New Year's resolution.
New Year's resolutions always fall through because people aim too high. You gotta start small, something like "I'll try my best not to eat a whole family sized pizza by myself once a week". Happy New Year!
This year, remember that money alone won't make you happy. You have to own it. Have a happy and prosperous New Year!
Here's to an amazing new year that we're starting out a little bit older, a little bit fatter, and somehow none the wiser. Happy New Year!
New Year's is great, but I never saw the point of all those New Year's resolutions. I mean, I'm already so perfect. Have a happy New Year!
May all your worries be as fleeting as your New Year's resolutions. Happy New Year!
This last year gave you a good kick in the butt, but I say just use the momentum to keep moving forward. Happy New Year!
Time flies, but you're the pilot. Steer it wherever you wanna go, just don't crash. Happy New Year!
A new year, and a new opportunity to repeat old mistakes in innovative new ways! Happy New Year!
New year, same me. Wishing you a wonderful New Year!
May this new year be filled with all your favorite things: champagne, shopping, and shenanigans. Happy New Year!
I thought long and hard about it, and I've finally decided -- my New Year's resolution will be 1920 x 1080. Happy New Year!
Finally, a new year! This one just can't be worse than last year… right? Happy New Year!
Wishing a very happy New Year to the people who love us, the losers who missed out on us, and the extra lucky ones who have yet to meet us!
